10 Dating Tips to Help You Find Love

Feb. 14 may be a day for lovers, but for everyone else, Valentine’s Day seems to serve as a reminder of their singlehood.

But rather than moping about being single, Glendora therapist Dr. Vondie Lozano, a licensed marriage and family therapist since 1991, offers singles hope in finding love through a step-by-step guide that Lozano said is simple and straightforward.

So why can love be so complicated?

Lozano said people need to stop viewing love as such as mystery, that there are very specific steps that singles should (and shouldn’t) take to find love.

Lozano said her approach to dating was influenced by Pasadena marriage and family therapist Andrew Whaling, who spoke about the “nuts and bolts” of dating, such as how to flirt, what to talk about on a first date and how to spot red flags.

Whaling’s approach not only influenced Lozano in helping her own clients in forming healthy relationships, but helped her find love in her own life as well.

After a brief marriage that ended in divorce, Lozano said she found herself attracted to the same type of men that often led to failed relationships.

“Once I learned some of the basics of what to do and not do, it revolutionized my dating life,” said Lozano. “And that played a big part in meeting my husband.”

Lozano said she met her husband seven years ago and is now happily married.

So what advice can Lozano give to singles? Lozano offers 10 tips for dating success:

Dating Tip #1. Let yourself heal from your last relationship

Action:  Letting yourself grieve will actually help you move past your last relationship so you can move forward with your life.

Dating Tip #2. Smile

Action:  When you realize that a good guy needs a “welcome” invitation from you, it’s easier to overcome your shyness and smile!  (Guys, when you can read her signals, you’ll have more success when you do approach her.)

Dating Tip #3.  Find Your Village

Action:  Start hanging out in places where other people share your values:  church, the dog park, a political campaign.  Then when you meet someone interesting, you’ve already got the foundation for a real relationship.

Dating Tip #4. Run away from your “type”

Action:  You can re-train your radar to search out the good men (or women)!

 Dating Tip #5. The only goal of a first date is – “Do I want a second date?”

Action: Share what you like to do for fun.  And ask what they like to do for fun.   Keep it light.  And pay attention to how they treat you!

Dating Tip #6. Trust your gut

Action:  The more you listen to your gut, the louder it will get, and the more you can trust it!

Dating Tip #7. Remember, this is him (or her) on their best behavior

Action:  Keep your eyes open for red flags.  And remember, three yellow flags equals one red flag.

Dating Tip #8. Date, don’t mate!

Action:  Slow down.  This means dating and keeping your clothes on!

Dating Tip #9. Remember, it takes about 3-6 months for infatuation to wear off

Action:  Enjoy the fun and excitement of infatuation.  Just remember, no matter how much fun you’re having, it takes time to really know someone.

Dating Tip #10. Is he (or she) the whole package?

Action:  If you take your time and really get to know him (or her), you can find someone you’re attracted to, who’s fun and shares your values, that you can build a life with!

Interested in learning more? Lozano is offering singles hope in finding love through her Valentine’s Day online chat. At 7 p.m. on Tuesday, participants can sign up for her Love Chats on her blog.

To enter the Valentine’s Day chat, there is a $1 sign-in fee.